I watch the Super Bowl every year. I don’t remember ever missing one. Do I necessarily remember who won them, or who even played? No. Do I care? No. Still every year come playoff time I await the Super Bowl like a kids waits for Christmas!
The Super Bowl is one of my favorite holidays…
Don’t even attempt to argue with me on this one. It is a holiday. It happens around the same time every year. People get together. There is food and alcohol. What about this doesn’t sound like a holiday? I look forward to the Super Bowl way more than a lot “real” holidays. When is the last time you were excited about Columbus Day? Unless maybe you were eying something in Macy’s annual sale.
For those of you that are still doubting my “the Super Bowl is a holiday” theory. I will now briefly list the things that are celebrated on this glorious Sunday…
Lots of beer. Bottles of beer. Cans. If you really have a party going, maybe a keg or two! Me? I just want a bottle or two of frosty beer. More specifically, I want to drink cheap beer. Bud! Bud light! These are a must have. I wait all year for the chance to partake in these most watery of beers without shame. To be honest, I do like Bud Light. I always have.
I also love beer commercials. Who doesn’t like to see girls in bikinis jumping over snow-covered mountains. You better believe the Super Bowl is gonna have a few beer commercials – more on those later.
I love pizza! Cheese pizza, pepperoni pizza, pizza with veggies, pizza pizza pizza. I look forward to a Super Bowl pizza like some folks look forward to their Thanksgiving Turkey. Several years ago I developed an intolerance for wheat. Pizza is one of the things that make me the sickest. Well you can be damned if I am going to be deprived of my Super Bowl pizza!
Did you really think I was gonna have pizza and beer and no wings? That is like having a burger and soda with no fries. It just isn’t done! Yes, folks. I look forward to Super Bowl Sunday because I use it as an excuse to eat an embarrassing amount of chicken wings with absolutely no shame. The more the better! For those of you health conscious folks that are cringing at the thought, I do manage to fit in a few carrot sticks. But really, it’s all about the wings.
Beer, Pizza, and Wings. The triple crown of Super Bowl fare. Sure, you can have more. You can even have (gasp) healthy options. But if you don’t have those three, I will be celebrating my holiday elsewhere.
The Super Bowl is the only program I know where people look forward to the commercials. Some people watch solely for the commercials. At least that is how it used to be. The past few years have seen a steady decline in commercial quality. And now companies are putting out pre-game teasers. Really. Commercials for commercials. Leave it to big corporate to ruin a good thing if they think they can make a buck. That being said, I will still be watching. It is tradition. Some people watch It’s a Wonderful Life a certain time every year, I watch Super Bowl Commercials. I can’t help it. I wait impatiently every commercial break hoping to see those Clydesdales. And what about that talking baby! I will suffer through the bombs to see an occasional touchdown. Then there is the simple curiosity to see what companies felt was worth shelling out $4 million.
As I hinted at, I don’t much care who is playing. I do watch football, but really don’t follow teams. I can tell you I am immensely happy that there will not be a Tom Brady or a Tim Tebow on the field. I would be happy if I went the remainder of my sort-of-football-watching life never hearing those nanes again! What I do want to hear are some bone crushing sacks. i want to see some sneaky interceptions. I want to cringe and yell at the TV every time I see a fumble. “It is your job to catch and hold on to a ball. How in _’s sake do you drop it like that?!” I just want to see a good game!
This year I do care a little about the teams too. I have liked the Ravens this season. I have no Idea why. Maybe it has to do with my favorite color. And I do enjoy watching Flacco – not sick of that name yet. I am excited to see them matched up against the 49ers. Why? Due to my craziest football tradition ever. I like to imagine the mascots battling! Yes. I am crazy. Certifiable. But it is fun crazy! I already have images in my mind of clouds of ravens attacking coal miners in the spirit of Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds. The Ravens are totally gonna peck the 49ers eyes out!!!
If I still have any friends left at this point, I would love to watch with you. Just like families gather around the tree Christmas morning, I want to gather aroung the TV with my friends on Super Bowl Sunday. There will be yelling, drinking, eating. People will do dumb things. A huge mess will be made. I will gain tn pounds and it will totally be worth it…. Sounds like a holiday to me!
So, you know what I will be doing this sunday….
Beer, pizza, wings. Commercials. Football. Will the commercials suck? All but a few.
Will this year’s game be exciting to watch? Who knows? Anything happens at the Super Bowl.
That is why I will be watching every second. Except for the halftime show. That is when I finally get to go pee!!!