Pet Peeve: It sounds like such a cute thing.
Who doesn’t like pets? Peeve is a sort of adorable word. Cute and adorable. Yeah right!
According to the wise and all-knowing Wikipedia: “A pet peeve is a minor annoyance that an individual identifies as particularly annoying to them, to a greater degree than others may find it.”
According to me a pet peeve is some stupid thing a person does that makes me want to punch them in the face. I am generally a non-violent person. I never would punch somebody. But boy sometimes I want to. Admit it, so do you.
This is a collection of my pet peeves related to parking lots.
OOPS! Did I Ding Your Door?
This is not about my door. I drive a 2001 Toyota Corolla. That thing has so many dings and scratches that unless you whacked me pretty good I doubt I would notice, especially if it was on the beautifully textured passenger side. The result of a rush hour hit and run.
This is about YOUR DOOR and the definitely deliberate ding I will be delivering.
Why? Because that is the only way I am able to get into my car.
This is about you, the TOO CLOSE PARKERS!
I just love getting back to my car to find that you have nuzzled right up to my driver side. I know I am plump, and need a bit more room than some, but you have left barely enough room for Lindsay Lohan to slide in after a 40 day fast!
We have established that I don’t care much about my little friend getting a scratch. What about you? What about the shiny shiny paint on your new Lexus? Maybe you should have thought about that before you left a space not even an anorexic at her goal weight could squeeze through.
I am not going to crawl through the passenger side. Oh no no. I am going to very slowly and carefully open my door. I will squeeze my irritated self into my car doing my best not to damage yours. Unlike you, i am courteous, at least in action. You do not want to know what is going through my mind. If I ding your door. So be it.
If I can’t squeeze in without doing serious damage. I have no problem going into the store and having you paged. I will wait while you stop what you are doing and we can have a chat while you move your car. I almost got the pleasure of doing this one day at the grocery store. Lucky for the car owner, she got to her car just as I was loudly saying: “Oh look! I get to ding the door!” She didn’t look very happy. Well lady, next time maybe you will learn to park between the lines!
Going For a Stroll?
It is a very good thing that it is illegal to hit people with your car!
People that stroll around the parking lot like it is a park really get to me.
There are CARS in there, people. Pay attention!
This is to those of you that like to wander from you car to the store with no regard to where you wander. You people who stroll down the middle lane like it is a sidewalk. Snails pace, winding here and there.
You couples that walk five feet apart, taking up the whole lane, but then hit the Walmart and now it is a love fest of hands on back pockets. What gives?!
Families, you are the worst! Parents, why not take this as an opportunity to teach your kids about safety? But no, you spread out like a search line. You know, my bumper is an excellent educational tool.
Listen people. That nice wide lane that you were just driving in – It is for cars!
Stay out of the way!
At the very least, move over when you see a car or hear one behind you. You cannot tell me that you can’t hear my car. I can hear that thing running and I am inside of it with the radio on! In the winter I am sporting studded snow tires. If you can’t hear my noisy tank of a Toyota coming, you might want to invest in a hearing aid. And that is why, as much as I would like to, I don’t beep at you. You won’t have a clue what it means.
I bet you are the same people that CROSS WITHOUT LOOKING!
You are just asking me to hit you. Maybe that is why I want to do it!
Granted, I can see you. I am going very slow. I am not a jerk and I will let you cross. Or did I see you? Maybe I am not looking either? Maybe you should at least give it a quick check. I am pretty sure that if it came down to a meeting of you and my car, the car is going to win.
For those of you that might have lost the message in my rambling.
Try to remember these tips:
Look before you park. Unless you want me to ding your door.
Do not wander the lot like a drunk at a street fair. There are cars trying to drive in there!
Look before you cross. I might not be looking either!