I NEVER SQUISH SPIDERS. Why? Because of The Spider Queen and her minions!

Killing Bugs is Wrong! Well, at least when we are in their house.

When I was 12 or 13 years old, my class took a trip to a day camp. When we were out on a dock getting ready get into canoes, a girl was about to squish a bug. BAD IDEA!

The counselor was horrified and scolded her pretty sternly. He explained the following: We were in the bug’s home and we should respect that. That bug was not bothering anyone; we should not bother it. How would you feel if somebody came into your home and squished you?

That really stuck with me. I am a bit of a tree hugger and squashing bugs just for the fun of it is not one of my hobbies. Remembering that day, plus liking bugs, means I really do go out of my way to respect the creepy crawlies when outside. I chose to enter their world and I should respect that!

The rules are a little different in cases of  self-defense.
If a mosquito thinks she is gonna make a meal of me, or that tick thinks he is going for a ride, all bets are off. They are hurting me and the are getting the axe. So it goes when you are at war. Kill or be killed!

What about the bugs that dare to enter MY home?

If a creepy crawly dares to find its way into my home, it will promptly be escorted out. My house is for people and pets. Maybe a houseplant if it is lucky enough to survive. Bees, flies, beetles, millipedes and the like are not welcome. Out the door they go!

If a bug dares to come into my home be hostile – SQUISH! This goes for anything that will be feasting on me, my food, or my home. Mosquitos, ticks, fruit flies, and the like – SQUISH!

SPIDERS have a strict NO SQUISH Policy, always!

I NEVER SQUISH SPIDERS – outside in nature, in my house, even as they crawl across my bare foot.

I have the ultimate respect for spiders. They provide a valuable service by feasting on the “OK to squish” types of bugs. Cleaning up their cobwebs is a small price to pay for a free exterminator. There are a lot of other cool reasons spiders are good and why you shouldn’t kill them.

As cool as spiders are, there are still those arachnophobic types. A lot of them are (gasp) SPIDER SQUISHERS!

spider meme Buckle up, Bitches on FB 483717_431075036982651_1698226842_n

I respect spiders. I am also totally creeped out by spiders. Yup. An arachnophobic type. I get chills just looking at pictures of spiders. Even toy spiders and cartoon spiders give me the creeps. Why? Who knows. Maybe I should never have watched Kingdom of the Spiders at such a young age.

If I am so scared of spiders, you think I would squish one if I saw it crawling around my house. OH NO! I NEVER SQUISH A SPIDER! I am too afraid of spiders to squish them. I don’t want to get that close. The thought of feeling, or hearing, it squish is giving me so much anxiety right now I just had to remind myself to breathe!

Then there is the SPIDER QUEEN! If I squish a spider I risk the Spider Queen sending out her minions in retaliation.

Yes, you read that correctly. The Spider Queen will find out what I did and, like the flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz, she will dispatch spiders to get me. What will they do to me? I have no idea. And I am glad my crazy mind decided to stop before deciding. I don’t even want to attempt to go there! Nothing good could come if it.

I have no idea where the Spider Queen lives or what she looks like. I am pretty sure she is enormous. A giant wolf spider or tarantula. She is not evil. She pretty much keeps to herself. Like a queen bee. But if I kill a spider, it will make her very angry.

Why hasn’t the Spider Queen done anything about all those spider killers out there? I have no idea. I don’t care about them. This is all about me and me not wanting to be hunted down by spider minions! (This coming from a girl who thinks it is nutty of her friend to be afraid of wonder bread!)

If I don’t squish spiders, what do I do with them?
If I can manage it, I will collect the little guy in a cup and put him outside where he belongs. If I can’t get to the spider, or if they have set up a web, they are welcome to hang out. I stay out of their way. I also give them a name. My crazy brain thinks they are less scary if I name them. And talk to them. Hey, whatever works !

cell oct 2012 098 Yup. That is a spider in my cup!

I have a feeling the spiders have caught on to my “No Squish Policy”.
I seem to see the darn things everywhere. Most recently on the outside of my shower curtain as I was showering. That spidey shadow looked like something right out of a horror movie. Scariest shower ever! After I emerged from the bathroom, my mother (visiting at the time) asked who I was talking to. I was negotiating with the spider to keep its distance. I told you I talk to them. He did not cooperate and ended up on the shower curtain rail, taunting me. I am sure he is bragging to all of his spider friends. Pervert. I hope the Spider Queen gives him a scolding!

What do you think about spiders? Squish or No Squish?