I am a writer
I do not mean it is my profession. I mean it is who I am. It is part of my very being. I have no more choice in the matter than I have in being a woman.
I am sure I have always been a writer, but it has only been recently that I realized it, and dared to say it.
I still feel at times like I have no idea what I am doing. Like a toddler learning to walk. This blog for instance. I have no idea what to write or how to write it. It is an experiment in self-discovery. I am grateful to anyone that is kind enough to make the journey with me.
So if I am not a writer by profession and if I don’t know the first thing about being a writer, how do I know that I am one? How does a person know anything? How do you know you are in love with someone? It’s like that.
The more comfortable I get with being a writer, the more I develop this part of myself, the more I notice it. Annoying things keep happening that remind me I am a writer.
The way I look at things has changed. The way I think is different. It might even be affecting the way I speak! Sometimes I think I must finally have gone completely insane. Then I realize, no, I am a writer.
The Movie Trailer
I was recently at the movies when it really hit me. I have developed a writer’s brain.
I have this inner desire to write something really great. I have no idea why. I have never cared about things like that before. Now all of a sudden I want to create some amazing work of fiction. Where the heck did that come from?
It happened during the trailers. I love movie trailers! As one of them played, I found myself thinking “Boy, I wish I wrote that! I wonder if I can think of something as good.”
I was impressed with the originality of the story line, the suspense. There were a few things I personally might have done differently. But I only got to see snippets. Maybe they work in the context of the film as a whole. I would like to find out.
Seriously?! You have got to be kidding me! I am suddenly envying screenwriters. This is not like jealousy over things like the invention of post-it notes or some other cool thing that would make me millions. This is real honest to goodness envy. I really do want to write a great thriller.
Sitting there in the theater, I found myself thinking: How does a person come up with an idea like that? Can I do it? I need to do it! How am I gonna make it happen? I started taking mental notes for the remainder of the trailers. What I liked or didn’t, was it just a rehash or was it original….
After the movie, I was thinking about that trailer more than the movie I just saw. I could not get these thoughts out of my head. Granted, it wasn’t the greatest movie, but I am willing to bet these are not the kinds of thoughts that go through the average person’s head as they leave the theater. I know they never used to go through mine before.
Maybe it was a fluke. Maybe I won’t have the same weird reaction to the next batch of trailers. My movie date for this Valentine’s Day might settle the matter. I have a feeling movie trailers will never be the same again.
As odd and confusing as it is to be obsessing over a glorified commercial for a movie I wish I wrote, I also sort of like it. It means that there is a writer alive and well in me that is dying to get out. This writer is also determined to do something great. That is exciting.
My crazy writer brain did not doubt my ability to write that fabulous film script. It went into autopilot studying and strategizing. That is sort of an awesome feeling.
Now I need to keep that alive. How does one do that? Watching movies maybe? Just like novelists improve themselves by reading, maybe screenwriters watch movies.
I will still read of course. Every writer should. It is essential. What will I be reading? A little of everything. Why? I also want to write the next great novel, and collection of short stories, and poems, and…. I did say I am still settling into this writer thing.